Infertility is painful. Experiencing the struggle for years isn't something that most people would look back on and be grateful for.
After getting married, it seemed to me motherhood is simply just the next step. It also felt like it was what was expected of me. Every family gathering, my relatives made sure that I was reminded of it. With the constant burgeoning of "When are you going to have a baby?" Why aren't you pregnant yet?" to "What is wrong with you?"
Being the type A that I am I thought I had it all planned out when it came to motherhood. I figured I would have the baby before I turn 30, go right back to work, and live the blissful life of a working mom easily. But like the best things in my life, motherhood took me years of struggle to achieve.
As the years went on and as I battled infertility, I began to see it differently. I started to really appreciate the idea of getting the privilege to raise a child. I longed so much for the opportunity to be a part of the mommy club. I prayed. I meditated. I read a lot. I joined online support groups. I took care of my health as best as I could.
Struggling through infertility for years changed who I am as a person and how I view motherhood. I've learned the importance of taking care of myself first, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have also learned that not everything has to be perfect and to cut myself some slack when things don't go as planned. That I am no more or less than anyone and that everyone is really just trying their best.
I have had many doubts in my life but being a mother was never one of them. It is my life's greatest purpose.
I used to wish that I could visit my old self and wipe her tears and tell her that it's going to be alright. That my time will come and it will happen. And when it does, the feeling will be impossible for words to describe. But I now know, she had to go through what she had to go through.
I know what it's like to long for a child and not have one and to think that you may never get the chance to have a baby. At the time, I made a promise to myself that if one day, if and when given the privilege to be a mother, that I would always look back at those years and be grateful.
I am well aware that not everyone has a success story and there are still a lot of people experiencing this painful struggle. If you are one, I am rooting for you. I understand that today is a painful reminder of that struggle. I honor you, my friend. I hope my story inspires you. You are no less than a mom just because of your body's inability to conceive and bear a child. You are an amazing mother simply because you know how it is to love a child who is yet to be born unconditionally.
To all the moms, soon-to-be moms, grandmoms, foster moms, waiting- moms, adopted moms, stepmoms, fur moms, dads who have to be moms, and anyone who has the heart of a mother, Happy Mother's Day!