The Year Before 40

During one of my chats with a friend on the topic of age, she asked "If you can be any age right now, would you choose to be young again?" My response, 'Absolutely not!'

When I was younger, I was naive and idealistic. I was always aiming for perfection and I was afraid of making mistakes in the fear of disappointing others. I was very unforgiving of myself and of the people around me. I was afraid of being vulnerable and showing people my flaws. I was always scared of being judged while I was busy judging others. In my head I thought, if I can't make any mistakes then no one should. That life was exhausting.

Now at 39, I can't say that I am perfect and I never want to be. I love who I am as a person and who I continue to become. Being a single mom of twins, running a start-up company while trying to be at my healthiest both physically and mentally is not an easy feat. My life is a constant mix of highs and lows. The last two years have been the most challenging. It is in these last two years that I had to re-learn how to be independent both personally and professionally. It is also during this time that I have experienced a lot of growth. I've learned that I can't change the direction of the wind but I can always adjust my sails. 

Bezos said it so eloquently, "When you are 80-years-old, and in a quiet moment of reflection narrating for only yourself the most personal version of your life story, the telling that will be most compact and most meaningful will be the series of choices you have made." 

Let me tell you a birthday secret of mine. Every time I'm asked to make a wish after blowing the candles on my cake, I never know what to wish for. I close my eyes and pretend to wish for something. But really nothing. I was never a wish-y-type of person, I was raised that if I want something, I have to make it happen and work my butt off. 

Another reason I struggle in coming up with a wish is my conscious effort of practicing gratitude. I choose to be thankful for what I have instead of focusing my energy on things that I don't have. I am very grateful for the people that I have in my life. I appreciate the friendship, support, and love. Most importantly, I thank the universe for the privilege of being a mom to the most amazing kids Gabriel and Angeline. They are my anchor and my constant reminder of how beautiful life really is. 

Today on my 39th birthday, I finally have a few wishes. My wish is that I continue to become a better person than I was yesterday. To continue to live a meaningful life. To always appreciate the life that I had been given and the simple everyday moments that make it beautiful. That one day, when I am 80 and I'm quietly reflecting on my choices, I can say that I am who I was destined to be and I have built myself a great story.

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